TRIANGULAR LOVE

Recently, I got very interested into this topic. Maybe because I’m one of the victims, I guess. For love, everyone tend to do anything include stupid stuffs and nonsense things. We act beyond our wisdom. We never think of other matters. It’s all & only about him/her. Well, now I believe “love is blind”. That’s the fact. Tell me if any of you can prove that’s not true.

People used to criticize those who involved in “triangular love”. That’s normal scenario. We blame such people as a marriage or relationship “disaster”. I used to do the same things too. When I was in the secondary school, most of my seniors and friends get into this triangular love. At that time, what I did is I nagged them 24/7. A non-stop bubbling. I never care how much my words could smash their heart but what I care is that I don’t want they to act stupid just for one guy. I also pity of the other party. What I mean is the guy’s girlfriend. You might feel awful too, right? If you beloved one cheat in your relationship.

        As I grew up, many things I’ve learned about this life. My perception turns around for 360’ degree as I start to understand the real rules of life. Maybe the God want to show to me, what I did to my seniors and friends back then was unacceptable. He wants me to understand that everything happen for reason. No matter how much we say this “I completely understand you” to anyone, believe me…you’re not! Unless you are in their shoes, just then you’ll understand. Life is karma. What comes around goes around. This happened to me myself.

Before, I used to hate one girl. She’s the girl that my ex-boyfriend left me for. I do forgive her for that, but to forget about it, that’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done back then. I hate the fact that wasn’t I good enough that he rather choose her instead of me. All because of that thought, I never have a word with him since we broke up. How could I face him after the hardship I’ve been through because of the rumors. Since that I get trauma of “triangular love” and I feel pissed off if I ever heard of it happen to any of my friend. I got very sensitive of the issue.

However, God is very fair. He knows that I would never understand this situation until I experienced it myself. Here they story begin. I know this one guy. We start from a friend before turn to BFF. I don’t know when and how then I start to fall for him. It happened just like that. Not even I realized it at first. We’re very close. I know from the very start, he has a girlfriend. So, I decide to forget about him and let go all the feeling fade away. I thought it would be easy but it’s never easy! The more I tried to forget, the harder it is for me. So, I told him honestly that I want to forget him. Surprisingly, he makes things even harder. He confessed he loves me too.

Then, we decided to have a “secret relationship”. Never thought that I could do something like this, but I did! Knowing all the risks and consequences, I still with my decision to carry on this relationship.

This post I specially wrote to tell all of those girls outside there, never enter into a “triangular love”. It is damn hurting! Some like me could stand and bear it, but not all girls could stand this kind of relationship.

 Why I say it’s hurting?

1.  
He’s your but no one knows about it. Not even your friend knows. Don’t tell me you don’t feel anything when he smile and told the other “we’re just friend”. You feel like you want to shout out loud and tell everyone that you’re in relationship with him, but you couldn’t do that. Not because you don’t have the courage but if you do that, you know you’ll loss him.

2. 

   All you could do is just stand there and watch it in the highest level of patience. He’s with the other girls. Taking intimate photos together with those girls. Joking and hang out together. You want to stop that but suddenly you realize you don’t have the right to do so. You feel it that way because you know where exactly you are standing right now. You want to speak about that to him but again you couldn’t say a word as you know who you are for him. Just a little secret of him.

3.    

You hate the time. You’ll hardly find the right time for you to date with him. You can’t do that openly. It has to remain as a secret. You’ll only able to be with him maybe once in a month, that if you are lucky enough to have the chance. Even when you’re in the middle of the date, you’ll find it’s very uncomfortable with he keeps on looking around to make sure no one could have seen both of you together. Even if one person might see, you’ll finish. That would be the end.

4.   It’s killing you to see his girlfriend. Jealous, guilty and feeling down will pouching your heart. When he’s with you but he’s texting her all the time, your heart gets burn of jealous. What more if you see they together, you will fall on you knee. All you could do is crying in your heart. You’ll see how much the difference between on how he treats her with how he treats you. You will hate the fact that she’s everything for him. That would make you feel you’re nothing for him. Just a piece of his life.

5.    

Everything he did to you would remind you to his girlfriend. Why? If he kissed you, automatically you will think “this is how he kissed her too”. If he hug you, you know he hug her too. He says he loves you, deeply in your heart you know he loves her more than he loves you. He threw a surprise birthday party for you as a FRIEND only, but he throw a birthday party for her as her BOYFRIEND. When he’s with you, she’s always in her mind, but when he’s with her you’re totally out of his mind. Not even a single message from you would be replied. Sometime you’ feel that you’re the substitute of her for him.

6.   When he’s with her, he doesn’t want you to contact with him. No call no message. It’s just like you should be vanished the moment they are together. At the same time, you having a war with yourself to think back of you should never enter into this. The whole day you’ll think of it over and over again, trying to imagine what might they are doing right now. Does he hug her? Did they kiss? Believe me that you’ll hate the answer!

Girls, I really hope no one would go through the same thing as I do now. It’s kind of tiring, exhausted and hurting a lot. I really want to get out of this relationship but I’m not strong enough for that. I can’t move even a step to leave him. But, to stay sometime I feel it’s just too hard for me. I feel guilty towards her. What I did, I shouldn’t never do it. I’m hurting someone that I’m not supposed to hurt. No reason for that. Whatever it would cost, I won’t let her know about this. Ever! The moment I walk away from him, it’s the full stop of everything. I don’t know when the time might come & how long it would take but I promise I will go on my own. If one day, you she knows about this, I hope she’ll forgive me. If she can’t, I won’t blame her because I understand the pain she might get.

For him, having you in my life is the best moment I ever had. You’re amazing guy. When you say you can’t choose between me and her, I know you’re saying that just to make me feel better. I know you love her so much. It’s something that I can’t deny. I don’t know what you might feel if I turn away from you later, but what I want is only one thing. Please never stop me from leaving you. That’s all I wish for. This story is not about us. It’s you and her. Nothing would change that.

p/s : If you read this, please try to understand why I have to leave.....